The Merry Prankster
by Shorty McGee
Summary: Someone is playing practical jokes on the members of the expedition. Will Sheppard find out who it is before it drives him crazy?
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything involving Stargate: Atlantis, but I take them out to play once in a while. Goes double for Zelenka and Lorne, both yummy guys!

Be kind, please review. Please remember that flames will be used to roast marshmallows!!

The Merry Prankster

"It isn't funny," McKay whined as the team walked down the hall. Rodney was covered with pie, chocolate pie to be specific. And he wasn't happy about it. Apparently, the plate the pie was sitting on was set to throw the pie, but they didn't know who did it. It was getting to Rodney. You could still hear the laughter coming from the mess hall. Sheppard was fighting to not laugh out loud, Ronon wasn't even trying to be quiet about it and Teyla was trying to help Rodney clean up. A large chuck complete with crust fell off his face and onto the floor.

"Perhaps," Teyla began, "You shouldn't have gone back to…"

Rodney cut off Teyla. "How was I supposed to know that they were serious?" He was getting near pitches that were only heard by dogs. "The guy never got me before. I could have been seriously hurt! I think I need to go to the Infirmary. I think I might have gotten some in my eye."

He grabbed Sheppard by the arm and pulled him around. "Do you see anything in my eye?"

Sheppard was annoyed. He pushed him away. "No, I don't Rodney."

"But, you didn't look." Rodney whined.

The whine was getting to John. Rodney was the latest in the long line of victims of someone they had come to call, "The Merry Prankster." Although it was funny to see Rodney at the other end of the pie

"What do you mean you couldn't have known they wouldn't get you? John said. "They didn't let anyone else off the hook."

"I don't know who it is, but they are good." Ronon had even gone on patrol for the person. That was when they had gotten him. The bucket of water was bigger than what was normally used. It flooded most of his room. Now he stood back when he opened the door. He had formed a grudging respect for the guy.

"Think about it this way Rodney, now you can sit back and watch other people be gotten." John reminded him.

Rodney brightened at John's words. "You're right! He has yet to hit anyone twice!"

Teyla interrupted with, "Why do you think it is a man? Could not the person just as easily be a woman?"

"Yeah," John admitted. "It could be."

"Hello!" Rodney said, "Did you forget about me. The one hit by a pie."

"I will walk Rodney to the Infirmary." Teyla had a small smile on her face as she walked away with Rodney.

"I hate it when she makes a point like that. Come on Ronon. Let's talk to Zelenka and see if we can catch this guy."

"Or woman." Ronon responded with a smirk.

"Don't you start that too!"

They walked down the hall towards the science labs. It took them a few minutes before they found him running a simulation. It didn't seem to be going well as he was swearing in Czech under his breath.

"What do you want? He asked.

John leaned over. "We need your help in finding out who is pulling all the pranks."

Radek pushed his glasses up. "I haven't been hit yet and I want to keep it that way. What do I get out of helping you?" he asked.

Sheppard shrugged. "To find out who it is before Rodney does."

Radek seemed to consider that. "That would bother him." He stood there for a minute, thinking. "I will help. What do you need?"

John smiled and everyone got into a huddle. "Here's what we do."


	2. Chapter 2

A sergeant brought an envelope to Sheppard

Sheppard was sitting in his office trying to avoid paperwork when a sergeant brought an envelope in. He ripped the end of the envelope and blew into it. Blue powder flew out, enveloping him in a cloud. It settled on him, covering his hair, skin and clothing. He dropped the envelope on his desk and called for the sergeant.

"Who sent me this envelope?

The man looked nervous. "I don't know sir. It was on my desk and since it had your name on it…" the man trailed off.

"You thought you would deliver it." Sheppard finished. He sighed. "You can go."

The sergeant didn't have to be told twice. He threw a salute at Sheppard and stepped quickly out of the room. He had been hit by the prankster. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

He stepped out of his office and went to his room to shower. He left his clothes in a pile on the floor and stepped in. He turned the water on and adjusted it to his liking. After a few minutes he noticed that the dye wasn't coming off, and it was getting darker. He scrubbed harder and harder. It wasn't coming off!

"Weir to Sheppard."

John groaned inwardly. He didn't want people to see him like this. The light blue he could have gotten away with, but the new color was dark and in spots. McKay would be certain not only to notice, but to comment on it.

"Sheppard here."

"John, the meeting started several minutes ago. Are you coming?"

John hit his head gently against the wall several times. He couldn't think of a way out of the meeting without someone seeing him like this. If he said he was sick, Weir would make him go see Carson. He sighed.

"I will be there in a minute." He stepped out of the room and down the hall.

As Sheppard walked into the meeting, the room went silent. Weir looked at Sheppard with a concerned look. "John, I know that you are excited that football season is starting, but the body dye is a little much."

The sound in the room was going from silence to barely concealed laughter.

"Meeting adjourned!" Elizabeth said. "John, stay here."

She waited until the doors had closed to speak. "John, what happened?"

He told her the story about the envelope and the powdered dye, about taking a shower and how that only made things worse.

"Well, see Carson and ask him if he has anything that might take the dye off."

"Yes ma'am." The doors opened as he walked towards them and he started to the infirmary. He hoped to get the dye off before Rodney saw him as he hadn't been at the meeting.

"Hey, Papa Smurf! How is the colony going?"

Sheppard froze. It was Rodney. Sheppard turned slowly to face him. "Can I help you, Rodney?"

Rodney was smiling. "Nice color, but it doesn't really suit you."

Sheppard tried to walk past Rodney, but he moved so that John couldn't get past him. "You finally got hit. I was beginning to think you were the one doing the pranks."

"I'm not," John said. "I just hope that Carson has something to get this off."

"He might. You never know."

He pushed past Rodney, hoping that he wouldn't follow. He could hear Rodney walking behind him and started walking faster. When he got to the infirmary, he went in and walked right up to Carson.

Carson looked at him. "Elizabeth said you would be coming. Come over hear and sit down. I think I have something that will take that right off."

John sat down and looked at Rodney. He was still smiling. John wanted to hit that smile as hard as he could, but he knew that they needed Rodney…for now. He might get to hit the smile later.


	3. Chapter 3

No matter how much I wish, Stargate Atlantis will never be mine

No matter how much I wish, Stargate Atlantis will never be mine, nor will Zelenka or Lorne. I wish otherwise. Be kind, please review!

Thank you to my reviewers. Your words mean a lot to me and motivate me to work harder!

--

After several hours, the dye was gone! Sheppard never thought that he would feel this raw ever. He felt like whatever Carson had used, had taken a layer of skin off. He wondered idly who was doing all of the pranks. He was going to go back to his quarters when he heard his name called out.

"Sheppard!"

John didn't look back. He knew who it was. "Yes, Rodney?"

"He got me again!!" Rodney was fuming. "No one has been hit twice before!"

John turned to look at him. He was shiny, shiny all over. Sheppard fought the urge to laugh. "What happened to you?"

"Stop smiling, this isn't funny. I just was walking along, minding my own business, and wham; I was covered in melted butter! I could have been hurt. The bucket could have fallen."

"But you weren't," John responded. "And it didn't fall and kill you."

McKay was about to respond when they heard a very piercing scream. It sounded like a little girl screaming. Sheppard and McKay took off running.

When they rounded a corner, they saw Kavanaugh standing there covered in chocolate syrup. It was dripping off his long hair that he had apparently taken down for some reason. The man was angry, no, he was furious.

"I am going to kill him!" He stomped up to McKay. "You did this, don't deny it, I know you did it just to humiliate me." His face was turning redder and redder.

Rodney took a step back. "I didn't do anything to you. You are just paranoid. Besides, you don't need my help with that. You do fine on your own!"

Kavanaugh turned to walk away when they all heard a strange sound. Then a flurry of feathers came out of one of the panels. Kavanaugh was covered in feathers. He turned and looked at Sheppard and McKay.

"I will get you for this, just you wait and see."

Rodney waved at him as he walked away. "Let me know when it happens. I don't want to miss it."

Rodney was grinning, and John was smiling himself. "He looks like a giant chicken. Do you suppose that was recorded?"

"Let's find out." John said.

They turned to see Zelenka standing behind them. "That was good," he said. He turned to John. "Can I speak to you?"

"Sure," John says. "What do you need?"

Rodney continued to stand next to Sheppard. "In private, Rodney," Sheppard said.

Rodney looked annoyed. "Since you don't need me, I will check to see if that was recorded." He walked away mumbling to himself.

"I still have no idea who is doing it, but there are a few people that we can discount."

That wasn't what John wanted to hear. "Ok, who?" He knew he sounded annoyed, but he didn't care.

Radek pushed his glasses back up on his nose and folded his arms. "You sound like Rodney. I am supposed to be helping you; I am not your punching bag." He glared at John.

John took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then, released it. "Sorry, this whole thing is driving me nuts."

Zelenka patted him on the shoulder. "That is alright. We all would like to know who this is." Radek looked at Sheppard over his glasses. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I do feel better. Sorry, please continue. What have you found out?"

Zelenka pulled out his tablet and showed the list he been working on.

"Interesting, no?" Radek asked. He had a big smile.

"Yes, it is very interesting." John replied. "Now, what to do about it?"

--

If you have someone that you want to see hit, let me know and I will work them in.


	4. Chapter 4

As much as I would like to own Stargate: Atlantis, I don't. I wouldn't turn away Lorne or Zelenka though. Be kind, please review.

Thank you to my reviewers. I couldn't do this without you! The chapters get longer from here…I hope.

John walked down the corridor. He looked at the hand written list in his hand and wished that he had been the one to write it. He was having a hard time ready Radek's hand writing. After a few minutes he had not only figured out one of the names, but he had made it to the control room.

"Hey Chuck. How's it going?" Chuck's name was one of the names on the list.

Chuck nodded at him. "Good. And you?"

John grimaced. "I've done better. I wish I knew who it was doing this."

Chuck grinned as a tech handed him a cup of coffee. "I am just glad that I haven't been hit yet. I did hear what happened to you. Was it hard to get the dye off?"

John shuddered at the memory. "It was painful. I never want to go through that again." He had been watching Chuck to see if he did or said anything that would give him away as the prankster.

"I'll bet," Chuck said. He took a sip of coffee. His eyes suddenly grew large. He dropped the cup, did the perfect spit take, and started coughing.

John swiftly walked over to pound him on the back. "You alright?"

Chuck took a deep breath. "I will be." His voice sounded raspy. He looked in the coffee cup. He waved at the tech that had brought the coffee. "Did you do something to this?"

The tech went pale. "No, sir. I would never do something to you, or to anyone!"

Chuck looked at the tech carefully. "Ok, you can go." The tech almost ran from the room. "I think someone put Tabasco sauce in this." He looked in the cup again. "I will be right back. I want to get something to kill the taste."

Sheppard looked around. He could see Elizabeth Weir in her office with Woolsey. John didn't know the man very well, but he went up so that Elizabeth wouldn't be alone with the guy. He was a politician, a bean counter. He walked fast and when he got closer, he could hear the two of them talking. Elizabeth sounded annoyed. John knocked on the door frame.

Elizabeth looked up and smiled. "Come in John. Have you met Richard Woolsey yet?"

John smiled and extended his hand. "No, we haven't met yet. How are you? Did you have a good trip here?"

Woolsey shook his hand. "I'm fine. Space travel isn't my favorite way to travel, but it is what is required, so here I am."

"You get used to it. After a while, it isn't so bad."

"Yes, well, you never know."

"Well, John, did you need something?" Elizabeth interrupted.

"No, just saw you up here with someone and thought I would check in and see who it was.

"Thank you, John."

Sheppard took that as a dismissal and left. He didn't make it far when he heard someone cry out. He turned and ran back to Elizabeth's office. The once clear walls were covered with white foam. John walked in. Weir and Woolsey were covered with the same white foam. He ran a finger through the foam and smelled it. He thought it smelled familiar, so he tasted a little. Whipped cream.

"What happened?"

Elizabeth whipped the whipped cream of her face. "A package arrived, I opened it and everything turned white! I want to know who is doing this, and I want to know NOW!"

John turned on his heel and walked out. This made it a little more personal. He wanted to catch the person before someone else got hit. As he walked down the stairs, he ran into Caldwell.

"Are you sure you want to still be here? It isn't safe."

Caldwell grimaced. "I've heard about your problem. Any ideas yet?"

"No, not yet, but Elizabeth just got hit. I really need to figure it out soon."

Caldwell frowned. "When was that? Was she hurt?"

Sheppard looked back at Elizabeth's office. "Just a few minutes ago. Whipped cream. She wasn't hurt, but she wasn't alone. She had Woolsey in there too."

Caldwell gave a low whistle. "What's going to happen now?"

"I have to find the person doing the pranks…fast."

"If I hear anything, I will let you know.

John clapped Caldwell on the shoulder. "Thanks. I'll let you know when it is safe."

"Thanks. Hey, when do you leave anyway?"

"In a few days. Why?"

"Just wondering. See you later." Caldwell walked away and left Sheppard standing alone.

John shook his head and walked away. As he walked, he ran into Rodney, literally.

John and Rodney fell to the floor. "Hey, watch where you're going!" he yelled. Then, he took a moment to look at who ran into him. "Oh, sorry. I've been trying to figure out who has been doing this."

"Any ideas?"

Rodney looked upset. "No, and it is driving me nuts. It took me hours to get all of the butter off. I don't want to get hit again."

"I have a list that Zelenka helped me with."

"Why did you go to him for help? Why didn't you ask me?" Rodney looked hurt. "I can figure it out. I just need a little time."

John sighed. "I know you can do it, I just thought that I would get you a little help. Narrow down the suspects a little."

Rodney looked at the floor. "I heard about Elizabeth. Is she going to be alright?"

"She will be, but she really wants this person caught."

"After what happened, I don't blame her."

John ran a hand through his hair. "Well, let's get started."

"Let's see the list."

John handed the list to Rodney. He held the list up. "Did he write this in Czech? I can't understand what he wrote."

"Well, then we need to find Zelenka and ask him."

McKay shrugged and tapped his earpiece. "McKay to Zelenka."

"Zelenka here. I am busy, Rodney, what do you want?"

"To know where you are. I can't read your hand writing."

"I am in the Jumper Bay with Major Lorne."

"Don't go anywhere. I'm on my way."

Thank you all. I now have a list of names to prank. As to who is doing the pranks, you will just have to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

As much as I wish I owned Stargate: Atlantis, I don't. Someone else does. Be kind, please review.

I wanted to take a moment and thank my reviewers. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have a reason to keep writing.

--

Sheppard and McKay walked down the corridor on their way to the Jumper bay.

"Oh," Rodney said sounding more chipper then he had since the pranks started. "I thought you might like to know, the prank on Kavanaugh was caught on video. So, do we want to send everyone a copy, or do we want to sell it?"

John scratched his head. "I think we should send it anonymously to everyone. If Elizabeth caught us selling it, she would make us give the money back, and then she would have the copies destroyed."

Rodney frowned. "You do have a point. I will send it out tonight."

As they turned a corner, they saw someone dangling from the ceiling. As they got closer, they realized that it was Lindsey Novak.

"Oh, hic, thank goodness, hic, I thought, hic, that I would, hic, be here for days, hic." She was hanging by a rope that was around her ankle.

Sheppard grabbed a hold of her and held her up, while McKay took the rope off. John stood her on her feet, but the moment he let go, she fell over. John helped her sit while she regained her equilibrium.

"Thank you, sir." she said as the hiccups disappeared.

John knelt down next to her. "What happened?"

She shook her head, as if to clear it. "I was walking down the corridor, and all of a sudden, I could feel something tightening around my ankle, and then, I was upside down."

Rodney looked at her with a horrified look on his face. "Are you alright?" He looked at John. "Let's get her to the infirmary."

She shook her head. "I don't want to be trouble."

"Nonsense. It wouldn't be a bit of trouble, but if you fell over because it was worse than we thought, then I would feel guilty." John pulled her to her feet. "Come on."

She smiled and allowed herself to be helped to the infirmary. When they arrived, a nurse took her by the hand and guided her to a bed.

Lindsey smiled at Sheppard and McKay. "I will be alright. You don't have to stick around."

"Ok," Rodney said. "See you later." He quickly left after that.

"Well if you need anything, let me know." John smiled at her, and her hiccups start again.

He left as Carson walked in. "Carson, let me know how she's doing."

"Alright Colonel."

Sheppard walked out the door, Rodney was waiting just around the corner. "Sorry, I don't like being around sick people."

John shook his head. "I know, Rodney. Let's see what we have."

McKay groaned. "Not a lot right now."

Come on, Rodney." Sheppard goaded. "Zelenka had less time, and more information than you have had. I thought you were a genius?"

Rodney growled at Sheppard. "I am, but his job was easier. All he had to do was make a list." By the end, he was whining and hitting pitches that make dogs howl.

John groaned and rubbed his face. He hated it when Rodney got like this. "I just want to know who this is before someone gets hurt."

Rodney stopped his diatribe. "You really think someone could get hurt?"

John shrugged. "When someone gets away with something as long as this person has, they get sloppy."

They walked in silence for a few minutes when John stopped. "What?" Rodney asked.

John put his finger to his lips. "I hear someone." They crept up to the corner.

"I told you that this would be fun." John didn't recognize the voice. "I also told you that we wouldn't be caught."

Another person said something, but the person spoke low enough that John didn't catch what was said.

"Well, we haven't caught, have we?" was the response. "And we won't be if you keep quiet. Now, let's go!"

John grabbed Rodney's sleeve and pulled him around the corner. The corridor was empty!

"Where did they go? I mean, they just disappeared."

John was annoyed. "Let's see who is in the area."

"Good idea. Maybe they saw something."

They looked around and checked the rooms along the way until they got to the Jumper bay.

"Major, Zelenka, where are you?" John called out. No one answered. John tapped his ear piece. "Sheppard to Lorne. Come in major." Still no answer.

"If they left, cold showers for a week." Rodney exclaimed. "I am not going to walk all over this city looking for them. They said that they would be here, and they better show up, now!"

With the pronouncement of those words, a knocking was heard coming from one of the jumpers.

John hit the control to open the jumper door, but nothing happened. The knocking continued, so Rodney pulled out his laptop, and got to work.

After a few minutes, Rodney got the door open. Bubbles started flowing out in a flood. So did a furry of Czech swearwords, or what John assumed were swearwords.

"I don't even want to know what he is saying._" _Rodney said.

It took a few minutes to find Lorne and Zelenka in the bubbles, and along the way, Sheppard realized that the bubbles were colored and left the color behind when they popped. Evan's face and arms were covered with purple splotches. Radek's face was covered with the same purple splotches, his hair more wild than ever and his glasses were missing.

"Blbý kousek od hovno!"

Sheppard grabbed Radek by the arm. "Are you alright?"

Zelenka looked up at Sheppard and squinted. "Is that you Colonel?"

"Yes, it is. Where are your glasses?"

Radek touched his face, and the swearing started again. He turned away from everyone and started combing the floor of the jumper on his hands and knees. Lorne and Sheppard got down on the floor and started looking too. After a few minutes, Rodney started looking. The bubbles were thick on the floor and the search was not easy. Rodney got a few feet inside when he heard a crunch. He reached under his knee and pulled out Radek's glasses. They were broken.

Rodney cleared his throat. "I found them."

Radek hurried over, as he reached for them, Rodney pulled back. "I'm sorry, I broke them," he admitted. "I didn't mean to."

Radek grabbed them and tried to put them on. The frames were twisted, and the lenses broken. The swearing started again. "Thank you," he said through gritted teeth, "for helping me look." He walked away, glasses in hand.

Radek stopped just inside the door. "I will get you. I put lemon in your food, I put grease on your mouse and I will make many, many mistakes on all of the projects you are working on." He turned on his heel and walked away.

John turned to Rodney. "Make sure he gets where he is headed."

When Rodney seemed to hesitate, Sheppard leaned closer. "I will help him fallow through. Now, go!"

Rodney gave a little jump, and headed out after Radek, "I hope he has a second pair of glasses."

Translation: Stupid piece of crap!


	6. Chapter 6

As much as I wish, I don't own Stargate: Atlantis. I do wish I owned either Evan Lorne or Radek Zelenka. You guys are wonderful! I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labor!

--

John stood there for a moment, before turning. "Major, report!" He was stewing. This was driving him crazy! Who was doing these pranks!

Evan snapped to attention. "Doctor Zelenka said that he needed someone with the ATA gene. I wasn't doing anything, so I said I would help him out. When we got here, he started working on the jumper, and the door closed. He tried to get the door open, but instead, bubbles came out of a panel. The jumper filled pretty fast."

"Did you see anyone hanging out around there?"

"No sir!"

"Did you notice anything weird before you came in?"

Lorne seemed to think for a minute. "No sir." he finally said.

Sheppard looked closely at Lorne's face. Lorne didn't seem to be under any unusual stress, and didn't seem any different, except for the bubble-shaped color on his face and arms.

"Anything I need to know?"

"Nothing comes to mind, sir."

"You can go, Major."

"Thank you, sir." Lorne nodded at Sheppard and stepped past him.

"Major."

Lorne stopped. "Yes sir?" The desire to run was plain on his face; he was trying to hide it, but was failing.

"If anything comes to mind, let me know."

"Yes sir." He saluted, turned and hurried out of the jumper, bubble footprints following him.

John stood there for a moment. He needed time to think. He didn't get much time before his communicator went off.

"Weir to Sheppard.

John touched his ear comm. "Sheppard here."

"Colonel, in my office now!"

"I'm on my way!"

John hurried through the corridors, almost at a run. People jumped out of his way, he called apologies to the people that didn't move fast enough.

When he got to the door of Elizabeth's office, she was standing, waiting for him. She turned her monitor around. A video was playing of Kavanaugh, the chocolate syrup was pouring out of a vent on the ceiling, after a minute, the feathers appeared. "Do you know anything about how this got sent to everyone?"

John fought the urge to smile. "No Ma'am." He looked at the screen a little closer. "That must be embarrassing."

Elizabeth glared at him. "It isn't funny. He has been in here to complain already." She sighed and sat down. "I don't like him either, but this is too much."

"I wish I knew Elizabeth, but no one likes the man, it could have been anyone."

"Well, it needs to stop. Do something about it. You can go."

Sheppard nodded at Weir and stepped out of her office. As he walked, he heard his name called.

"Sheppard, I got something!"

John turned. It was Rodney, and he was smiling. He motioned Rodney into Sheppard's office. "What did you find?"

Rodney sat down, and then he got right back up. "I know who did the pranks."

John stood. "Are you sure?" He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

Rodney was grinning now. "Yes." He scooted closer to John's desk. "Do you want to know who?"

"Of course! What do you have?"

Rodney pulled out his laptop and turned it on. He tapped on it for a few minutes before he turned it around. On the screen was Kavanaugh. He walked into the jumper bay and slipped into one of the jumpers. A few minutes later, he looked around before he stepped out of the jumper. He left the bay quickly. Lorne and Zelenka entered the room a few minutes later and entered the jumper.

Rodney was smiling the smile that John always wanted to hit, but today, he didn't want to hit it.

"We have him now!"

They started walking. John hit his earpiece. "Sheppard to Kavanaugh."

"Kavanaugh here. I'm busy." He sounded annoyed to John.

"Not later, now! Where are you?"

Sheppard could hear Kavanaugh release a deep breath. "Fine! I am getting dinner. I wait here. This had better be good."

Sheppard started walking faster, Rodney almost running to keep up.

When they entered the mess hall, Kavanaugh was sitting at a table, alone. John walked up to him, pulled him out of his chair and slammed him against the wall. "What do you think you are doing?"

Kavanaugh looked terrified. John wondered for a minute if Kavanaugh was going to faint.

"What are you doing?" Kavanaugh quavered. He looked pale.

John gritted his teeth. "I want to know why you are doing the pranks! Someone could get hurt!"

Kavanaugh grinned. "I didn't do the pranks!"

"Then what were you doing in the jumper that Major Lorne and Dr. Zelenka were trapped in?"

The grin dropped off Kavanaugh's face, and he went pale. "Zelenka sent me. He told me to do something inside."

"What?"

"Huh?!"

"What did he tell you to do?"

"He said to install a box. To put it inside a jumper panel."

John rolled his eyes. "Really."

Kavanaugh tried to get away. John held him firmly and shook him a little.

"What was in it?"

Kavanaugh froze. "I don't know. He didn't tell me and I didn't ask. I had a lot of stuff to do. I didn't have a lot of time to do stupid things for other people."

John's eyes narrowed. "I doubt that. We will have to ask Zelenka about this." He pulled Kavanaugh away from the wall.

"Come on Rodney, we need to talk to Zelenka. Let's get to the bottom of this." He drug Kavanaugh out of the mess hall, Rodney close behind.

--

Did Kavanaugh do the pranks, or was he framed? Will Zelenka defend Kavanaugh? Only time will tell. Mwaaahhhh!


	7. Chapter 7

Be kind, please review. I am in college now, but will update as often as possible.

Thank you!

--

Sheppard marched Kavanaugh down the corridor, one hand on the back of his shirt and the other on the front. Kavanaugh was silent and sulking. They quickly arrived at the science lab and went in.

"Zelenka!" Sheppard yelled as he pushed Kavanaugh into a chair.

Radek hurried into the room from a back area. He pushed his glasses up as he surveyed the scene.

Rodney lit up right away. "You have a second pair."

Zelenka gave McKay a look that made him take a few steps back. "Yes, but they are old ones. I get headache from wearing them." He glared at Sheppard. "What do you want?"

Sheppard ignored him and got straight to the point, he pointed at Kavanaugh, who had been quiet up to this point. "Did you send him to fix something in the jumper you and Lorne got stuck in?"

Radek rubbed his head. "No, he is untrained monkey. He can't even fix good martini."

Rodney snorted, but John gave Rodney a dirty look.

Kavanaugh jumped to his feet. "Yes, you did." He said pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. "You sent me an e-mail. I printed it up."

Sheppard took it from him. "It looks like it is from you, Doc." He folded his arms and looked at him.

Radek folded his arms as well. "I didn't send it. Check my computer. I would rather ask a monkey to help. That way nothing get messed up!"

Kavanaugh's eyes blazed. "I am better than a monkey! You own me an apology!"

Radek looked at Kavanaugh with a tired look on his face. "You are right. I do own someone an apology, but it will go to the monkey, not you! You are bigger insult!"

"I don't have to stick around and be insulted!" With that, he started walking towards the door. Just as the door opened, Zelenka called out.

"Where will you go to be insulted?"

Kavanaugh whirled around, his eyes blazing. "What do you mean by that?"

"If we don't insult you, who gets to do it? I would like to watch."

Kavanaugh gritted his teeth, turned. He got a few steps, when he got hit by a dart. He swayed, and then leaned against the wall. In a few minutes, he was singing "I am a little teapot" and dancing.

The three men began laughing, soon Rodney was on the floor, John was using the door frame as a support and Radek was leaning against the wall. They were all turning red. The fun didn't last long. A roar of frustration was heard echoing through the corridors. They ran past Kavanaugh, who was still dancing, and down the corridor.

They soon found Ronon standing in the middle of the corridor. He was mad! He was also covered in honey.

"What happened?" Rodney asked.

Ronon glared at him. Rodney took several steps back and swallowed hard. Ronon looked up, gun in hand. Honey dripped out of a vent.

"Someone will die for this!" Ronon swung around, eyes wild with rage. "The water was one thing, but this is something else!" He pushed through the men and stormed down the hall.

Rodney turned, eyes large. "I feel sorry for whoever is doing this." He shook his head, "Come on. Let's do some work. I want to find out who this is." Rodney walked towards the lab, when he stopped. "I can't do this alone."

Radek shook his head, and followed him. John waited until they had left, then headed out himself. He headed to check on the next name on his list.

--

He stood in the corner of the gym, and watched. He had arrived in time for the military to finish training. He waited until Marks had finished and waved him over.

"Yes sir. What can I do for you?"

"What do you know about the pranks that are being played?"

"I have heard about them. What did you need from me?"

Sheppard looked around. "Let's walk over there." He indicated a place away from the other people.

They walked over and sat down. Marks looked at him. "Sir, whatever you need to ask, just ask it."

"Are you the one doing the pranks?"

Marks whistled and sat back. "That was blunt and to the point. No sir. I wish. That is one gutsy guy."

Sheppard looked closely at him, and then sat back. "I wish I knew who was doing this."

"So do I. I want to shake his hand."

Sheppard stood. "You can go."

Marks climbed to his feet. "If I hear anything, I will let you know."

John grinned and shook Marks' hand. "Thank you."

Marks reached for his bag and tried to pick it up. Marks checked the bottom of the bag. It had been stapled to the floor. John stopped and watched as Marks opened the bag. Bright colored streamers flew out and covered Marks with silly string. He looked at Sheppard, and then he shrugged. "Guess that means I get to watch." He pulled off what silly string he could, picked up his bag, and left.

--

As Sheppard walked down the hall, McKay caught up. "Hey, Ronon is scaring people. He has been growling at everyone, and staring people down. He isn't impressed anymore."

"I don't blame him. With all of that hair, I would have been mad too."

They walked in silence for a minute, when Rodney started snapping. "I forgot. I checked the stuff that Kavanaugh put in the jumper."

"And?" Sheppard prompted.

Rodney jumped. "Oh yeah. I took the box apart. Kavanaugh's fingerprints and DNA were on the outside, but not on the inside."

John scratched his head. "Did you find any other finger prints or DNA."

"No. The only fingerprints or DNA I found were Kavanaugh's, but only on the outside."

John stared at Rodney. "Does that mean that Kavanaugh didn't do it?" He felt his hopes that this was all over falling.

"It is beginning to look like he was set up."

John sighed and rubbed his head. "Ok, I am running out of ideas. Got any ideas in that big brain of yours?"

Rodney grinned. "Of course! I am the smartest guy in two galaxies. Come, let me show you what I have come up with."

John grinned and followed him out of the room.

So, if it wasn't Kavanaugh, who was it? Guess you will just have to keep reading.


	8. Chapter 8

Stargate: Atlantis and the people with it don't belong to me

Stargate: Atlantis and the people with it don't belong to me. I make no money from it and get nothing from this, except the reviews that, you, my readers bestow upon me.

Be kind, please review. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows.

--

They walked down the corridor towards Rodney's lab. John was stopped by a young marine.

"Sir?" The young man handed him a note. "Rodney, I will meet you there."

"Right-o," Rodney said, and did a double snap as headed the last few yards to his lab.

John was briefly skimming the note when he heard a girlish scream coming from the direction of Rodney's lab. Sheppard took off running. It only took him a moment to arrive. The first thing he saw, was Rodney's pale face as the scientist backed out of the lab. Sheppard looked in past Rodney, who was still backing away from the room. Lemons were everywhere! Crates of lemons were stacked everywhere, and covered most of the room in the lab. John pushed Rodney gently out of the way. As he shifted one of the crates, a couple of lemons fell. Rodney jumped as they each hit the floor. Sheppard walked over to Rodney, grabbed him by the arm and walked him to the infirmary.

--

John was walking down a corridor after getting Rodney to the infirmary.

"John."

Sheppard could hear Elizabeth calling his name. He slowed down so she could catch up. "How is Rodney?"

"Carson said he would be all right. He just needed some time."

"John, this has to stop."

Sheppard grimaced. He knew it hade to stop, he was just at a loss as to how to stop it. "I know Elizabeth. I just..."

John was cut off by an angry shout. The two took off at a swift jog.

--

Teyla was standing in the doorway of her quarters. She was soaking wet. Water dripped off her long fingers, and down her hair, which was now clumping together because of the water. She looked up as John and Elizabeth came running up.

"Someone will die for this!" She shook water off and marched into her quarters.

John and Elizabeth looked at each other as the door closed. "I think she took that pretty well."

Elizabeth grimaced. "I still wouldn't want to be the person if she catches up to him."

"Or her." John smirked.

Elizabeth glared at John. "I will be in my office. Let me know when you catch the person." She then turned and walked away.

--

John went by Rodney's lab just in time for the last crate to be removed. Lorne didn't look happy. Sheppard had left him in charge of the removal.

"Any problems in moving them."

Lorne wiped the sweat from his face. "No sir. Someone stole them from the mess. They were happy to get them back."

Sheppard crossed his arms. "I wonder what they wanted all of those lemons for."

Evan smirked. "They use them to keep McKay from finding the good stuff. They found that he won't even dig through them, even after they tell him what was in the crates, other than the lemons."

Sheppard's eyebrows went up. "What would they put in there? It would have to be good."

Evan smiled. "Chocolate mostly. The good stuff. Not that waxy American crap."

John raised his eyebrows at that.

"I was raised eating European chocolate. Swiss, German all good stuff. America chocolate has wax in it to, I guess, keep it from melting, help it last longer? I don't know, but it just doesn't taste the same."

John leaned over. "Have you heard anything?"

"Nothing concrete sir. Mostly just rumor and guesses."

John nodded at the lab, which was now empty. After door shut, Evan gave his report. "Most people think it is more than one person. As to who, the rumors differ. Someone was even thinking Ronon and Teyla."

John smiled at that thought. "I don't think they are involved. Do they even know what a practical joke is?"

Lorne shrugged. "I don't know, but I have to agree, I don't think it is them."

They walked out and headed for the command tower. As they walked, a pair of purple scientists walked by. Sheppard and Lorne turned and looked at the men, who continued walking without noticing the stares they were getting.

--

Shortly before they reached the tower, Sheppard got a call.

"Zelenka to Sheppard."

Sheppard tapped his earpiece. "Sheppard here."

"I need to speak to you. Can you come to the mess hall?"

Sheppard and Lorne looked at each other. "Sure Doc. I will be right there." He closed the link. "Care to come and see what he wants?"

Lorne shrugged. "Sure. I could use the chance for food."

They headed to the mess hall. It only took them a few minutes to get there. Zelenka was waiting. He adjusted his glasses as they walked up to them. He had a tablet in his hands.

"What's up Doc?"

Zelenka looked confused.

"Nothing. Just a movie reference."

Radek waved it off. "I found something."

Lorne dropped the pudding cup he was holding. "Is that good?"

Zelenka gave him a dirty look and adjusted his glasses again. Sheppard noticed. "Glasses a little big?"

"Yes, and wrong prescription. Gives me headache." He took them off and rubbed his eyes.

Sheppard felt for the man. He might not know what it was like to need glasses, but he knew pain. "You know Rodney is sorry about that."

"Yes. He say so many times, but does he help me out, no. I do all my work and more."

Sheppard winced. That was aimed at him. "Sorry Doc. I can get someone else to help."

Zelenka shook his head. "No, I get others to help with work."

"That's good to hear."

"I found a trap that hadn't been set off."

Sheppard stared and Lorne's spoon stopped at his lips.

"It was in the jumper bay. Open the doors and, poof, everyone in command tower covered with itching powder." Zelenka took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I am having it cleaned up now. They don't like the suits, but better than itching."

John was amazed. That was a near miss. A team was supposed to take a jumper out the next morning. "Is that all you found?"

Zelenka smiled. "No, I know who did the pranks."

Yes, I know I am evil, but I live for it! I might end this in a chapter or two. I just don't know…yet.

I also like European chocolate better. Some American chocolate tastes like it is made of wax.


	9. Chapter 9

I hope you like. I am planning a second installment when I hit a break. Now, who is the prankster, and why are they doing it? evil laugh You will just have to read to find out! This is going to be short, but I hope you enjoy it! Thank you for reading!

--

"Well," Rodney asked. "Who is doing the pranks?"

Radek pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I don't know"

Rodney looked confused. "I thought you said you knew who it was."

Radek ignored Rodney. "I need to get the disk. I left a camera in corridor outside quarters." He looked at the two men over his glasses. "It was tripped last night."

They looked at Radek, then each other and hurried out of the room, people jumping out of the way.

--

They followed Zelenka to a room in a little used section of the city. He moved quickly to a table and pulled out a drawer. He stood there for a minute, then started digging. Sheppard got nervous when Radek pulled the drawer out and dumped it out on the table.

"Something wrong?" Rodney sounded nervous.

"Yes." Radek responded. He sounded angry. "The disk is gone." He started pulling out all of the drawers and dumping them on the table as well. Stuff started falling on the floor.

"Did you watch it before you came to tell us?"

"No." His accent was getting thicker.

"Why?" That was all that Rodney got out before John elbowed him.

Sheppard picked a couple of things and set them on the desk. "Do you have another copy?"

Zelenka took his glasses off and rested his face in his hands. "No," he said quietly. He stood there for a minute before he stood.

John slapped the smaller man on the shoulder. "That's all right. We will keep working on it."

Radek looked dejected. "I don't know how much more I can take. I just want this over. I just want to know who this is."

John smiled. "You do know that curiosity killed the cat."

Radek smiled back. "But satisfation brough her back. I will run scans and see if I can find out who took the disk."

The three men walked out together. "Is anyone else hungry? What? It has been hours since I ate."

"Hours?" JOhn responded.

"Well, I have a very delicate system. I could go into hypoglicimic shock."

--

Elizabeth stepped around the corner, disk in hand. She tapped it against her hand and then slipped it into a pocket. She smiled as she headed back to her office. She thought for a moment that she was going to be caught. She nearly was. Maybe it was time for a vacation.

--

Surprised? I know I was. I hope you liked it. Thank you to all of my faithful readers. She might be back. You never know. 


End file.
